Sadie's page

She cuddles the wind with her palms,

Pushes them close to her face,

She feels them,

Like a world unreal,

Spinning and weaving the most beautiful heartsongs.

He watches her from the other side,

Holding his breathe on her every move.

Her ears ringing,

The songs he breathed.

She sees him, face stuck onto the outline of her world.

Interested, but too wary to approach.

Hoping it was just another song,

She melted,

No questions asked,

No answers required.

She got to hold him till the clock stroke 13...

Only so...

But she means more.

Did you know?

 

 

thank you buzznet peeps ( i only noe lizz)  :)

i got my cd!!! n i'm such a proud grrlfriend to my peachie boy!!!

we got really bored at my place one day n since we had a whole closet of my clothes and a 21year old boy who wants to get in touch with his feminine side, we did it!!!n if you peeps want more of peachie him.. here gwe go.. ENJOY!!

and thanx again for picking us!!

 

The Asian peach

A true sad story...

My lovely friend Charlene, just lost her most precious... Her baby..

Not through a miscarriage people, but just fate, (that's what I would like to believe in)..

She had the pains and thus went to the hospital cos it was almost 9months into her pregnancy and everyone was expecting a little boy. Upon getting there, she had to wait in line as her waterbag wasn't broken. After waiting, the doctors examined her and determined that it was ripe that that she went on to the delivery room, where they then broke her waterbag and she went into labour. Upon seeing the baby's head at the entrance, the doctors then came back to her with news... bad bad news, her baby's heartbeat had stopped, unknowing the reason, she continued pushing, as a C-section could not be done, she had to go through natural birth. after about an hour of pushing, she had her baby..

Perfect looking baby, not a single scratch..Simply not breathing. She was traumatised as none of the medical helpers could give her an explanation to what exactly happened. Up to date, due to chinese tradition, she's staying home from day to day...

Crying everytime his little image came into her mind... When she rang me up, she sounded lost and still in depression... As the little life that she got married for was healthy for as long as he was in her.. until the magical moment that most mothers-to-be would look forward to...

They had suggested to disect the baby to find out the reason for his death, but she refuces as she didn't want his little body to endure the cruelty of a knife. Now that he's gone...

So people thinking about aborting a life that might be growing within you, rethink and rethink again. People like my pal didn't have the luxury to have her baby grow in this world that we life in and share her all with him. But you, you still have a choice, don't give up something moany others would give their life for... Love life, live it, but most importantly, Give it...

The thousands of loving mothers out there, cherish your little life/lives that you've given.. Dedicated to my dear friend, a wonderful mother-to-be who lost hopes right at the very last moment, but didn't give up.. You did a wonderful job, by finishing your job and trying your best to giving that little shell life... Fate shall bring you another lovable soon enough.. You have all our most loved support.

Read and pass this story to your pals, parents to be... Let them know that probably half way round the globe, there's someone sobing their nights aways cos of fateful incidents as such... and to love life and be thankful for life...

The heading might sound pretty fun, but approx. 23hrs ago, at a local eatery, right after dinner, a 4month old kitten got knocked down by a car... and it died there, right there, in my arms...

here goes...  :

 

it was about 10pm inthe evening, when i had just finished my dinner at a hotpot eatery at Bugis area, and as we were sitting right next to the road, i turned to catch a beautiful and innocent view of a kitten crossing the road and of course, a cat lover, i made the exclamation "Wow!! Kitty running!! Lucky no cars!!"

and then about 5 mins later, my pal who was seated facing the road shouted "Oh FUck!" right after a loud bang which came from behind me. And there it was, that very same kitten that ran across the street safely 5mins ago, lying there, twitching. I turned n saw that the traffic light about 500m away was gonna turn green soon and didn't want the kitten to be crashed into pulp, I ran to the middle of the street, picked it up and ran back to a patch of grass right beside the eatery. Tears began to run down my cheeks and for about 15mins i just squat there blankly, as the kitten twitched it last few times and took it's last breathe. With it's eyes and motuh still open, that little body stopped moving. All I could do was stroke it constantly, as if still hoping for life...

Then after that long blankout period, I took my phone and called the SPCA but the dude on the line told me that they may call the ministry of environment up and they'll clear it in the morning. Unwilling to leave the kitten there, I asked for them to cremate the body, but in exchange, I would have to bring it there myself. And so I did, Qiang drove me down to the SPCA and by 11pm, the kitten was in good enough hands.

It's last few moments as a stray, but at least, it knew that someone cared and had shed tears for it's death. It was a local, 4month old, grey eyes, male. Not just another stray kitten I'd say... Not to my pals and I. Always remembered, 7th March 06.

A most sincere thank you to the people at SPCA.

Adopt the strays, keep them off the streets, they are just like the homeless children, looking for love, shelter and food.

it just feels like.. alot of the time... there's so many people.. so much time...

but when i'm with you, time stops.. literally..

and after that, memories are sifted, like a shutter, only lines of light comes through...

and memories become stagnent... like, they dun move, they become pictures, polaroids...

The scenery travels around us and sucked me in like a black hole...

right into another dimension, a whole new place where love is possible...

with u...

i still don't belive... I'll still take chances...

That moment at the playground... magazine...hug, cuddle...

The bus trip... a friend... kiss... touch... fondle...

The rain.. paranoia... darkness... Running to the bus stop...

All these never faded, they were kept away selectively... and during that 5 hours...

My camera took more pictures then ever before... and regurgitated even more.. of us...

went on a hotdog adventure today, and i have realised the sad sad reality, Sunny Singapore's got no good dog stands... serious.. MOS burger's got hotdogs without a taste, Orange Julius was jus scruffy, the others.... jus about the same, NO GOOD!! the best i've found was at the cinema, where it was actually decent, but without every escential need of a good hotdog!! they've only got Ketchup, chilli and mustard for sauce... how pathetic. its so so sad. Ur's sincerely is gonna try to set a little standard over here... looking for you dog fanatics to give me a few good pointer to the perfect dog!! so pls, post ur reply! fav ingredients... let's all help make the hotdogs in singapore actually HOT!! 

you not being here, my memories of this moment, or any other precious ones can only be shared by my notebook... one that i believe you'll get to read someday..someday soon i say... listening to the same track everyday.. i think of you..

i'm gonna print the pictures soon so you can be a part of everything tt's happening while you're gone.. truely hope that you'll treasure this as much as i do.. i want no one and nothing more.. it's just us that's in my heart.. come back safe...

hope that our love will be true, not like what she had mentioned..it lingers somehow, wat she's said about you..perhaps the fact that i havent known you for very long is proving it's side effects...can you settle down? and can i...?hope we can grow together, and the destination..might not mean much afterwards..perhaps so my love...

Shot at Changi range today, first time without you by my side. It felt so odd the whole morning, so quiet. Even though Yue fetched me all the way from home...

I miss you..I wonder if you'll ever understand how much. Listening to that fragmented song that reminds me of the past 3 weeks always put perfect tears in my eyes even when I'm out. It's outragiously uncontrollable..

Now I'm writting this, my face squished up like an ugly bun, trying not to cry too much. I haven't gotten any sleep last night just thinking about that issue that could have come up much earlier, but it chose to only reveal itself on the very night that you left.

Everytime I try to imagine what you might be doing and all i get are images of my babe slaving away under the officers and the crazy weather...gosh... It's raining here, what about where you are? Hope your trip will be safe, all the way to Europe and back.. The 9th of Feb. so looking forward to that. But at that very moment that we might meet again, what might happen, that would be scary to imagine...

Hope you won't be cold and unloving.. Well then again I wouldn't noe and cannot fortell... Have a safe journey my Sailorboy, more shall be written...soon...

My very last 'official' day in sch, i'm already missing the life i've had for 3 years... dancing everyday, being around dancers everyday, the bitching and all that drama!!

well.. Latitude's just become history and i'm looking forward to sharing the pictures i've taken..not alot, but all precious.

My lovely lovely juniors who made it all possible, and the beautiful flowers that Shanna, adelina, my sweet and family gave... also the lil' ones like cool chicks' bouquet and mel's rose...thank you all.. and last but not least, the chocolates that i got!! hahaa.. oh oh!! also Hazel and Sharon, thanx a kazillion for that wonderful bag!!

through this 2 weeks, you see who are the good workers in theatre and who are those that just aren't born to be in the line  :)

my dancer juniors, you all worked fannatastical!! but it is the technical students that truely disappointed me. thank you all as well.

some people get some, some get loads, a few other none. and that shows alot too, which of us seniors are more welcomed by our juniors and who aren't. the flowers they gave, the little sweet gestures and gifts. thank you all...

Also, the most important of all, Albert, ur the best choreographer i'm worked with, responsible and ever so endearing n inspiring. I thank you for "Sounds of Reflection" Its a beautiful beautiful piece that brought out the best of the 3 of us.. n i've learnt so much from you this 3 months. and if i ever get the chance, i'd love love love to be under ur wing all over again... and ur the 1st lecturer that i found a friend within. everyone who's watched the performance had ur piece lingering in thier minds..did you noe? and u were voted the most enjoyable piece in the show. I'm so proud that i was a part in all of that... and it excites me everytime someone talks about u or the piece..

All my pals that attended the showcase, i thank you all for ur support and love. you might not all share the same passion as i do, but it's alreadt wonderful that you guys had the heart to support my art  :)

end of college life, where do i head next? wat's down the road? i might just bum awhile longer to find out..not too long..jus a little bit

felt kinda great after the show, with all my dearest pals, Shanna, Kate and pals, Li yan, Vivian, My bestest pal Adelina, Qiang, Jason , Joseph and the list goes right on.... wasn't fantastic for an opening night...but yeah..at least people enjoyed my dancing  :) tts good enough encouragement for me... getting ready for tomorrow!!

BREAK A LEG Royale Danceurs!!

Oh, I hit the peak AGAIN this month, so we'll have to just hang till the first to get all my pictures up, till then, enjoy!!

Pictures of my brother's engagement cannot be put up promptly due to the fact that I CANT POST ANY MORE PICTURES THIS MONTH!!!!!!!!!AH!!!!!!!!!

Left, aprox. 7 days ago, on the 4th of Sept. to Kl for The Tari Festival 2005. Started off bumpy, as in literally!! we were expecting a BUS they gave us a van, jus nice for 13 people, we were sitting right next to our own lugguages...my goodness!! Trip to hell, 6 hours long..everytime we had a stop over to get food or loo, we had to climb our way out of the van..

Got there and the hotel was a comforting sight, our rooms were big and they had a pool and all the other fascilities that most festivals would not give to students.. Shared room with my senior Tian Tian, a chinadoll and tho we were suppose to shre room with another grrl, a Phillippino, but she ended up not turning up..so YAY!! room to ourselves!!

Breakfast added to the 'good' list and it was such a nice vibe, getting to eat, sleep and move around with dancers with all over Asia Pacific. We shopped alittle, some of my pals already were overspending on the second day.. haha..grrls... The cab drivers were the annoying part, they kept taking us in circles, causing us to pay like 8bucks for a 5 dollar trip... assholes!!

Wednesday, first performance night for 'Out of Shape' and 'Proofsheets', it was a blessing, as i was performing a piece named 'Stacatto', which was a sharp duet with Mun, Revenna, our lecturer whu was watching said that was the best version she's ever seen since rehearsals!! YAY YAY!!

...................More to come...............

my life's in such a mess i cannot believe...

I got in so much shit with people and all...

I don't even noe where to step from here...

This wednesday, I', just gonna turn up for collaboration whether or not i adore it...

Get it over and done with...

I don't wanna grow up,

I'm such a whimp...

I won't be able to chat with him or anything the few days before he leaves for manlihood...haha..

Hope  his ankle'll get better soon...

My boy's getting pissed off..or is he...?

I don't even have a proper understanding of us,

I'm so lost..

I almost noe what i want,

But how do i get even near it?

Lovely child Lovely child...

 

A quiet sat. at last, no buzz, no nothing, suppose to attenda penthouse funtime right bout now, but i guess the tired, stoned up gina kicked in after yesterday's crazy bitchass rehearsals in school. But oh well, funtime's always a corner away..!

Looking forward to a week of holidays without holidaying at all :) For the whole of next week, we danceurs are gonna be in sch tuesday onwards for rehearsals for the K.L trip! monday... Albert's!!

It's truely draining to be doing so so many rehearsals, but i do agree, when you totally enjoy something that you do, you'll love to do it! even if it meant ur last breathe! i love albert's choreography and totally enjoy his rehearsals! whether or not he actually spasm on us..i no longer care!

tammy's...still hard to get by, i didn't bother going cos i got an M.C from the doc on thursday..guess she was pissed cos she went round bitchin' bout me..haha..imagine that!

Friday was fantastic and frantic..haha we had a showing of the graduation showcase pieces and the greatest part was that everyone LOVED albert's choreography! and it felt like i was flying onstage dancing tt... love it! tammy's piece was much colder compared, guess it's not always that a westernised piece overtakes an asian one right :) after which we had crazy 'Out of Shape' rehearsals for K.L! fuck revenna's seriously nuts! i actually learnt 3/4 of that damn 7min piece in4 hours! and cos the piece was so fast and almost every count there was a step to fulfill..everyone was dying when we were almost halfway through, talking bout a brain and body workout! damn!

It's a quiet quiet sat. haven't had one for so so long.. i was either out crazy or dead bored...but now, i'm nice, mutual and calm typing away on my fav laptop...man.. i really wanna try mcdonald's delivery service.. when i'm desperate nough i guess..

woke up early today, went to watch a Rowdees' soccer match...Not too bad a game i should say, considering the fact that I'm not too much of the sit and watch for 2 hours kinda person.

It's odd but somehow i'm getting poorer, although with a part time job and all, hope my pay'll come in soon nough to save my life...''

Another shit week coming, I dread wednesdays, Collaboration day, I so dun wanna see that lil' biarch i work wit'...bet she feels the same... see, that's what you get  when you force collaborate 2 extremes of artistry, one jus tries too hard (her) the other...gives up, chooses to sit back, watch the game n be lazy (moi)... What to do... she doesn't listen, I hate speaking to personals that don't... oh well...

Had a little encounter today, had quite a fesw lately i shoud say, sat at the comp. with my right ipod earphone blasting away, in my left ear, thought i heard my boy call his dog, twice, but found out he was fast asleep on my right side... on the bed...
Felt someone brush my ponytail lightly, followed by mumbling, thought it was Senget(Chee's younger bro) trying to ask me to get off the comp, i turned around and no one was there and cos Senget was suppose to be sleeping ni his room, his door did not open or close, after which i chose to stick to my neopets screen, still with that mumbling going on for awhile... not good not good...

I'm having 'the' cramps again... is should try to get off my almost daily dosage of bubble tea to solve that problem.... but it's way too addictive, i'm too much of a fan...ppl who's tried bubble tea should noe...  :)

certain things in life i'm trying to figure out right now, though i'm sure, for a factthat this crappy lazy brain of mine's not gonna give any good nough answers, i'm still searching... i still wanna dance for the cows... still hate rehearsals and still looking forward to that upcoming trip...

god damn it, yes i do have a thing for pretty ppl...things...i wanna be part of all that. I need a new seam. i wanna go shopping, i wanna lose weight, i wanna wear every single thing i've ever wished i could. so it starts. today!! hopefully i'll get there before graduation.

My body's making me sick,,,hate it...

 

if only i wasn't expected of so much, so many...at the same time.

Gina do this, Please get that down as well. I wanna dance for the cows. I hate tammy wong's choreography.

I hate it when ppl are being total dicks in rehearsals but they expect me to be nice out of classrooms. fuck that shit. wai and see, you'll see the real me, you asked for it. Gina fulfills all fantasies, on and off, good n bad bout her.

I'm a bitch i noe, but i'm a sweet one. i wont let you fall and break, dun worry.

I'll at least turn you unconcieous so you wouldn't noe ppl are luffing at you after. watch wat you say, say wat you do, cos i'm watching n i tendto noe shit i wish or do not wish to noe.

Tell me ur wrong secrets, i'll make sure it doesn't stay with me. but hey, always tell me i'm sweet. say that al over again please :)

it was like the 2nd craziest of all clubbing experiences with my pals...of course i was out with the usual crowd, with Char, Pee and a few others...but Mun was the star of the night(how i wish i had some shots of yesternight) hmmmm... he was so turning stright last night..!! haha..and boy did u strip well!! and i dun noe if he remembered or even noticed, he scared the shit into a few SHIMS yesternight!! haha...should have seen their faces and shanna n i were both brutally borrowed and strangely used as tools to his 'manhood'!! haha. but hey baby mun! if you do ever plan to turn any straighter then u were last night!! i'm always a phonecall away!! imagine the fun!!

we had dirty dancing n probably it was the danceurs thingy, we were so comfortable with each other and mun said he'll so see me in a diff. ligh when we get back to sch..haha...and the very fact that we're gonnabe doing a duet together for the trip!! all fun!!!!!  lasalle danceurs united and ex united areway too comfy with each other..anyone would have gotten jealous if their other half was in such a sit.!

but well...it was so so much fun and great to see Shanna again!! missed my grrl and due to certain things i heard bout her life in sch, i was so worried, but to see her well and kickin', my mind's at eased. got a lil' job for her and a few others, hope it'll all push through well nough.

my babe's still in KL...but of course, though i miss his ass so, i needed to get my own life sort out,..and over the weekend, guess i did!

got a call from Qiang earlier today and heard bout his granppy's death, my most sincere sympathy to qiang n his family, his granppy was such an adorable man when he was alive and i'm sure he'll still very much be loved and remembered after.

Pee's the sweetest thing on earth, he's always looking out and taking good care of me and making sure that not abit of boredom hits me when we're out. And i still hope he'll one day find true happiness. lob u boy

I wokr up today to nothingness..didn't felt like moving my fatass to school, didn't wanna do Tammy's rehearsals... I hate all this...true...

Ogre boy left for KL and left me wit' miserable Rowdee... I kinda do miss him i guess.. but there's always things in my life to take all that away, hope that they'll happen soon nough...

It's my granddy's 49th day this evening and coincidentally due to the very fact that I had to hitch a ride from my brother... I had to stick  around and pray for awhile...

Things happen i noe, but some things jus tend to feel almost the same..well..almost i say.. hopefully...

sometimes i just hope that things weren't the way they were and that i'm not what i am right now.. i'm happy, but in very different context nowadays...its jus not pure anymore...i cant be happy over a simple simple incident. It takes bigger and bigger efforts just to see my smile.

I'm so empty that I'm bloated.. and for some reason, due to some road works, it was possible to actually avoid that dreadful trip all the way across the overhead bridge..but for some reason, the exercise i hated the most every single day has become too much of a routine that i actually still took the bridge instead of taking the cut...oddness me...

my thoughts are scattered and lame.. hello Billy.. I know you'll read this.. So HI to u as well.

Sucking on my milk bottle i'm writting this... i'm a shit ass faced down baby..i dont realli wanna grow up..well..now tt i realli think bout it...

i hate sch, but i hate working more.. i love teaching but i dun think dance'll be THE thing to pacify my passionistic side for like...my entire living life...

i miss my old house...suddenly..and i'm in my grumpy mode lately..i get pissed off at the slightest shit...someimes even at none...

i'm over sensitive..i'd like to stay tt way... i noe u hate me...but shall i not care much jus to get over it...i wanna do my choreography..i dun noe if its all gonna work out..with the video n live band n shit..but i'm trying..i wonder if its all hard enough tho..

i'd still wanna livemy ultimate dream of dancing in beautiful landscape for the flower printed cows...how nice..how naive..

i like my food..i love my milk..but i've gotta lose a hell load of weight...due to the very fact that i'll be graduating with 2 others that soooooooo much smaller in size...i love the way i am..well..i try not too complain too much..i dun need perfection...but 48kg's far fetched...i cant have my fav food no more..bye bye enjoyment..hello to pure torture...

 

Cooked today... Had rice and Home made chicky Stew for lunch!! Staters was 'breaded' fried mushroom which i fucked up due to the fact that i totally forgot that we're suppose to use breadcrumps and i ended up using corn flour, Aint THAT bad... actually. After that we had...er...layered and baked potato wit' cheese....not very nice, but of course, every chef learns to appreciate failures and!! Their fruits of Failures :)

Oh...I wanna go club soooooooo bad at Liquids...But i'm disallowed somehow...hope my Saturday's not gonna be too bad without my lil' outing...

School: I'm going to Malaysia!! People who's read my past entry should know for the very fact that I had an audition yesterday for a chance to travel with my fellow danceurs in sch to Malaysia to perform and i got it! how nice..SHOPPING!!! gotta save up for Sept. then... :)